"Me?! Oh, well no," I stammered. "I want to go sometime, but this year is just not a good year for me. I'm in the middle of my nursing program and I have all this other stuff going......" And so I rationalized away the whole idea of doing student missions. Or so I thought.
This brief conversation happened during Student Missions Emphasis week at Southern Adventist University last November. I was walking through the Student Center one afternoon and this was where all the booths for the different mission projects were set up. Honestly, I don't even remember now why I was in the Student Center that day. All I know is that this conversation was the first of a series of events that has led to me making one of the biggest decisions I have ever made.
Those of you who know me well know that I had no intentions whatsoever of doing student missions this year. In fact, it was the last thing on my mind. I had my plans laid out. After this semester, I knew I had only one more year of nursing school until I would graduate with my Associate's degree. Then, I had plans to complete my Bachelor's the following year. Oh, I had considered taking a year out for student missions either in between getting my Associate's and Bachelor's, or maybe even after I graduated with my Bachelor's; but it was never more than a nice idea that might or might not actually happen.
All during SM Emphasis week, if the idea of going next year did cross my mind, it was only for a moment. Because after all, I wasn't going anywhere next year--that wasn't in my plans. I even went with one of my friends to the SM office to help her start the process, and the SM Coordinator asked me if I had considered going. I told her that it wouldn't be this year for sure. SM Emphasis week came to a close and I thought that was the last I'd think about student missions for awhile. Was I ever wrong!
In the days and weeks following SM week, I could think of nothing else. When I woke up, my first thought was about student missions. When I ate breakfast, I thought about children who might not get breakfast. When I went to class, I thought of kids who didn't have a teacher. When I went to worship, I thought of people who had never heard the name of Jesus. Day after day the words kept ringing in my ears--student missions, student missions, student missions. I started complaining to my roommate, "I don't know why I can't think of something else! I can't go next year! This is ridiculous." She would patiently listen, and then encourage me to pray about it. "No way," I thought, "God knows I can't go next year. I have things to do here!"
Finally, after nearly 3 weeks of struggling with God, I couldn't take it anymore. It had gotten to the point of where I couldn't even study. Every time I tried to focus and study, my mind would go to student missions. So I decided to at least go to the Student Missions office and tell them I was interested and then just see what happened. I really didn't think I would actually go, but I had to get this thought out of my mind before my grades started suffering.
Before going to the SM office, I called my parents and told them about my dilemma. I totally expected them to agree with me that this whole idea was crazy and tell I shouldn't go and that I should forget about it. To my surprise, they encouraged me to explore the idea a little bit. Although I didn't realize it right away, this was one of the first indications that this was God's will for me.
The moment I stepped into the SM office and told the SM Coordinator that I was interested in being a student missionary, this feeling of peace just swept over me. It was the weirdest thing and it puzzled me, because I was still sure I wasn't supposed to go. But I took the paperwork she told me to start working on and returned to my room. My mind was clear and I would have been able to study, but I couldn't--I had to spend some time thinking, and I started praying and asking God what all this meant.
Later that afternoon, I texted a few of my close friends and asked them if they thought I was totally crazy. As I talked to each of them that evening, they all had one common answer--"No, you're not crazy. You should go!" I thanked them for their advice and told them that I would continue to pray about it, but that I really didn't see how it would work.
I was also able to talk to one of the professors at Southern who I respect as a godly mentor. As I shared with him my experience over the past few weeks and about going to the SM office, what I was talking about doing began to sink in. "What am I doing?" I managed to say in between the tears. "Why would God be calling me to go now? I've never left the country before. How can I leave everything I know? My nursing class will graduate without me! I won't know anyone in my class when I get back......" He listened patiently as I poured out all my reasons why not to go. When I had finished, he asked, "Do you feel like you are doing the right thing?"
I thought for a moment, then answered, "Yes.... that's the strange part. I do feel like I am doing the right thing. I just don't understand and it doesn't make sense!"
"Well, then keep praying about it. If it is God's will for you to go, He'll work it out and He will make it clear to you," he counseled me. "Just pray about it for the next couple of weeks. Don't make any rash decisions. If you still feel like its the right thing a few weeks from now, then you'll know that God is calling you. Just be willing to follow His will, whatever that might be. It does seem to me that God is calling you to go, based on what you have told me. But don't take my word for it. Spend the next few weeks praying that God will reveal His will to you." Then he prayed for me and asked God to make things clear. I left my conversation with him feeling better and knowing that I could trust God with my future.
The last couple weeks of school passed quickly and I soon found myself at home for Christmas Break. I had spent many hours praying in the past couple weeks and the call to go as a student missionary had only gotten stronger. I was beginning to accept the fact that maybe this was God's will for me, even though I didn't understand it. Over break I was able to discuss things further with my parents. We started doing some research on different projects and seeing what all was available. After a couple days of searching, it seemed like none of the available projects would work. All of them seemed to get me back to the States two weeks before school started, and I knew that I couldn't do that. I needed at least a month to catch up on all the nursing stuff I might forget while I'm gone. Finally, it seemed that I had exhausted my options. "Well," I thought, "maybe I'm not supposed to go after all. Maybe God was just testing my willingness to go."
Just about that time, the name of a ministry I had forgotten about flashed into my mind. "Ok. I'll check this last one. If this project doesn't work, then I'll know I'm not supposed to go," I told myself. I pulled up the ministry's website and began scrolling through their pages to see if they had any calls. Then I saw one. Not only was there a call with this ministry, the call fitexactly into the "criteria" I had set, and actually exceeded it! Instead of being back a month before school started, I would be back for the entire summer beforehand! I would be able to study up on nursing, and take a summer class or two to get used to school again!
And as if that wasn't enough of an answer... the project I was looking at was the very project that I saw a DVD on eight or so years ago that made me first become interested in missions. So in going here, I would kind of be fulfilling a childhood dream! I showed my parents, and then emailed the ministry to see what I needed to do.
Over a week passed, and I still had not heard anything from the ministry. I began to get impatient. "Lord," I prayed, "why haven't they contacted me? I need to know what I'm doing.... If you want me to go, please have them call by tomorrow evening." I also decided to spend the day in prayer and fasting to make it easier for me to hear God's voice. So I did. The hours went by uneventfully. I began to get impatient again. I started praying and asking God to give me patience, and to also show me His will.
Within five minutes of that prayer, I received a phone call from the ministry. Did they need me? YES! And so I began the process of applying and all that goes with that. I knew God was leading, but I still had doubts about whether or not I was doing the right thing. I moved forward, however, a began the process...both with Southern, and with the ministry.
To try to make this long story a little shorter, I'm going to cut out many details that happened in the proceeding weeks. But the Lord used many different people in my life to encourage me and used them to show me that I was doing the right thing. Prayers were answered and my doubts about God's will began to disappear.
Within a few weeks, I completed all the paperwork and everything else I needed to do. Then came probably the hardest couple weeks up to that point of my experience--waiting to hear from the ministry and know if I was accepted or not. I had asked God that if I was not following His leading, that He would close the doors with this ministry.
And so the waiting began.......
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